Shutting down.

I am emotionally shutting down for the night.

I am overwhelmed.

I needed to finish making blocks for this quilt. To recap, some woman my MIL works with saved EVERY baby blanket her 2 twin grandsons had (one huge tote of blankets for each twin), and is paying me to turn 1 tote into a full sized quilt. If I want to when I’m done, I can turn the 2nd tote into a full sized quilt. So I had roughly 18 baby blankets of various baby prints, mostly t-shirt knit material. Some were fluffy fleece or minky fabrics which were even worse to work with.

The original plan was to do a t-shirt quilt but because the fabrics were such small prints, and some were solids, doing a traditional t-shirt quilt would have looked stupid. The woman says she’s never owned a quilt, or actually seen one other than pictures, so everything was up to me. I took some pictures of quilts with simple blocks to her and she picked one that the blocks were a 4.5” square surrounded by 3” wide strips of fabric on all 4 sides. Like a squire in a square. Simple.

Except the knit fabrics needed stabilizer, which is a pain to work with.
She gave me the fabrics in July.

So today I endeavored to finish piecing the blocks and lay the quilt top out.
I got all but 1 block done, and the quilt laid out (minus that block).
It is hideous.
The fabrics all clash with each other. It’s the ugliest thing ever.
I’m going to have a hard time pinning it out and quilting it because of the stabilizer.
This woman is paying me several hundred dollars for a completely custom, entirely ugly quilt.

I stood there looking at it and felt all the blood rush to my head. My lips started tingling.
I have a slight headache.

Tony said he’d help me arrange and rearrange blocks ‘cause he’s pretty good at it and he has some distance from the project.

I ignored my kids all day to finish the blocks for this quilt.
My house is trashed because I ignored my kids all day.
They are overtired and cranky because they didn’t take a nap and I ignored them all day.

So I am done. I’m giving them showers. We’re going to read a library book.
When Tony gets home I am going to smoke a cigarette.
Then I’m going to go upstairs and lay on my bed and listen to a movie play on my TV while I finish reading the Half-Blood Prince.

And the damn quilt can just lay on the floor and be ignored until it decides to behave.
Dammit.

  1. hamncheezr posted this